only temporary
by Anrheithwyr
Summary: Parvati came home with a pounding headache, the spot just behind her eyes throbbing loudly as she turned the key in the lock. The house was empty-or, rather, it was supposed to be-with Lakshmi at work and Savita had probably not yet gotten back from her classes. There was no one else around, just her and the empty, aging house that groaned as she dropped her keys in the bowl.


_**Written for the 'Quidditch League Competition' Round 11: Siblings (Puddlemere Chaser 2) using twins Parvati and Padma Patil, and prompts: Dialogue "You know you shouldn't be in here.", "I thought about how there are two types of secrets: the kind you **__**want **__**to keep in, and the kind you don't **__**dare**__** to let out." ― Ally Carter, and "Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them; rarely, if ever, do they forgive them." – Oscar Wilde. **_

_**Written for the 'If You Dare Challenge' by Slytherin Cat, using prompt # 478, temporary. **_

_**Written for the 'Ten times Ten Challenge' by Utlaga, using Magical Object: Wand**_

….

_"I thought about how there are two types of secrets: the kind you __want __to keep in, and the kind you don't __dare__ to let out." ― Ally Carter_

_"Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them; rarely, if ever, do they forgive them." – Oscar Wilde_

….

_6 days, 4 hours, 42 minutes before_

Parvati came home with a pounding headache, the spot just behind her eyes throbbing loudly as she turned the key in the lock. The house was empty-or, rather, it was supposed to be-with Lakshmi at work and Savita had probably not yet gotten back from her classes. There was no one else around, just her and the empty, aging house that groaned as she dropped her keys in the bowl, slipping off her shoes. The commute home wasn't bad-how could it be, when all she needed to do was imagine the front steps of her house and pop off-but Apparating always seemed to give her a terrible headache. She hated the very action of it, had hated it since her first lesson back in sixth year, but it was still preferable to riding the train, or walking.

Parvati sighed, making her way into the kitchen, rubbing at her forehead in an attempt to dispel her headache. A hard day's work at the nursery had left her exhausted and anxious to just lay down and relax for even a few minutes. She still wasn't sure why she had ever agreed to help Susan with her crazy idea ("I was thinking of a nursery, you know, a preschool where Wizarding children can go to those first few years, to be educated properly/") but at least she usually came home more or less happy, unlike those painful few months she had spent alongside Hannah at the Leaky Cauldron, where'd she gotten many a bruise from breaking up drunken brawls.

She opened one of the clear glass cabinet doors, looking around at the many different pill bottles and capsules and mixtures that filled up their medicine cabinet. Still trying to relieve her throbbing head, she shook out two ibuprofens into her palm, gulping them dry and immediately regretting that decision. She frowned bitterly at the taste, wondering why there wasn't yet some sort of easily brewed potion for headaches; it seemed like the sort of thing that should exist by the twenty-first century, yet here Parvati was, relying on muggle medicines for her problems. It was ridiculous, really, how far behind the Wizarding world truly was, even though they did their best to hide such facts-it clear to anyone who had lived in both worlds as she had that in many ways, the muggles had far surpassed their magical counterparts.

Parvati rubbed at her forehead again, inclined towards the notion that she ought to lie down for a spell and maybe take a short nap until Sevita got home. She just needed a few hours really, to lie down with the lights dimmed, with no small children tugging at her, with no vague fears that Mum wouldn't be coming home, that Sevita would get hurt on the way from school, that she would get a message from St. Mungo's one day saying that Padma was….

Parvati had sworn to herself that she would never speak of that again, would never again mention the incidents of that awful night, of that terrible battle. She had spent the past four years trying to dispel it from her memories, and trying to pretend it had never happened-she hated the pitying looks she often got from those who had also been at Hogwarts on May second, or even those who had just _heard _what had happened. Parvati shook her head, wishing the ibuprofen would take hold more quickly, and she stomped down the hall towards her bedroom, slumping onto the bed. She closed her eyes, falling asleep almost immediately.

_She had sworn to her mother that she would watch over her younger sister, that she would keep her safe, because Parvati was often irrational and reckless-a true Gryffindor, their father would sometimes joke-whereas Padma was more organised and controlled, less likely to fling herself at attackers, wand aloft and screaming. Padma was the mature one, the one who didn't allow emotions to block her path-she was supposed to watch her younger twin, and bring her home safely. _

_Parvati hadn't been paying attention, hadn't noticed the cloaked and masked man holding his wand just above Parvati's heart, but Padma had. She had seen the way Parvati was smiling as she cursed one of her attackers, but did not see the one coming up to the side of her. Padma screamed-"Parvati! Vati, Vati, look!"-but he was always too close for Parvati to do anything but stare at him in shock. Padma, the calm, rational one, flung herself at her little sister even as the man fired off a spell, a bright blue light that hit Padma squarely in the forehead. _

_She fell to the ground, slumped, and Parvati stumbled, landing on her knees, though she didn't notice. She was too busy staring in amazement, still stuck in those quick seconds when the man had been staring at her, his wand pointed at her heart. It wasn't quite clicking in her head as Seamus knocked the masked man down, as Lavender pulled Parvati to her feet, brushing the smaller girl off. It had not completely clicked in her mind as Padma _did not stir and did not get up _even as the seconds passed and turned into a minute, and then two. _

"_Why isn't she getting up?" Parvati mumbled, staring down at her sister, who didn't even make a sound, just lay like a puppet with its strings cut. "Lavender, why isn't she getting up? Why isn't my sister getting up? Paddie? Paddie? Padma, you've got to get up, we're in the middle of a war, you silly girl. Why won't you get up, your robes will get dirty like that. Come on, dear, why not get up now, and we can find some place less crowded than this to take a breath. Lavender, she's not getting up."_

"_She can't, Vati, don't you see that? Something's happened to her." Lavender seemed to be holding back tears even as she directed Seamus to pick the slender teen up with a calm hand. "Something's happened to your sister, aren't you seeing it? She can't get up, something's happened, he fired some sort of spell at you and Padma….Padma jumped in front of you, to protect you, and now she won't wake up! We've got to get her to Madam Pomfrey soon, or else she might be very hurt."_

"_No…" Parvati said slowly, blinking at her sister, laying in Seamus' arms, looking like a girl of ten years less. "No, that's not right. Padma's supposed to be the calm one, the rational one. She wouldn't ever do something so foolish like jumping in front of a curse when she doesn't know what it might be. Padma's the smart one, that's what she is, she wouldn't ever do something so reckless-so why won't she wake up, Lavender? I don't understand, what's going on? Padma, why won't you get up?" _

Somewhere in the house, a telephone rang, and Parvati woke up very abruptly, gasping deeply, her face tight and pinched with fear. Her cheeks were wet with tears as she crawled from bed to grab at the phone near her bed.

"Hello?" she mumbled sleepily, brushing at her eyes with a tired hand. Her hair was a wreck and she kept sniffling, the memory of her sister's….she sniffed again, looking with bleary eyes at the phone in her hand. "Who is this?"

"Hi, this is Nicole, from the Janus Thickey Ward?"

Parvati had never woken up faster.

….

_2 days, thirteen hours, 17 minutes before _

Parvati held her sister's hand tightly, the only visible emotion apparent in her clenched fist, so harshly wrapped around Padma's still digits. Parvati's face remained blank as she recalled the words she sworn only a few years ago. _I don't want to live without you, Padma. I can't live without my twin, and I won't….If something happened to you..._She had meant it then, and Parvati meant it now, even as she watched her sister with that emotionless look in her eyes, completely devoid of any and all feelings.

Just then, the door to Padma's room creaked open slightly, revealing the nervous, flushed face of their mother, the former Mrs. Patil, who had some time gone back to her maiden name, Deshmukh. (Parvati felt that her mother had, starting around the time of the twins' fourteenth birthday and even before her parent's divorce, stopped acting like a mother, lacking in all motherly qualities. Parvati had taken to calling her Lakshmi, instead, since she didn't really feel that she had a mother anymore; Padma had still called her 'Mum', though.) She nodded at Parvati weakly, slipping into the room.

"You knew," Parvati said in a surly tone, scowling darkly. Her mother avoided Parvati's gaze, instead creeping over to pat Padma's cheek with a trembling hand, as though she thought it would help. "You knew, didn't you? About Padma, about how she was dying? You knew she didn't have much time left, and you hid that fact from me, didn't you?" Lakshmi didn't answer, just kept her hand on Padma's cheek, tears dripping down her cheeks. "_Didn't_ you, _Lakshmi? You knew all along, and you didn't tell me! My own sister was dying and..._my own sister, my twin….and you never even told me. I…"

"I was going to eventually, Parvati," Lakshmi said, but her hands trembled terribly as she tried to stroke Padma's hair. "I wanted to tell you, I was going to tell you...I _should _have, I should have...The Healer, Briggan or whatever his names was, he came to me when it didn't look so good, when they realised...and he told me about Padma, that Padma...that...he said Padma was going to die, that she wasn't going to live much longer."

"And you never even thought to tell me?" Parvati demanded, her eyes narrowing dangerously. "It never even once occurred to you I might want to know?"

"I...I was in shock, Parvati, I was in total shock, I had just found out my...my daughter was dying, my sweet Padma, I didn't even know how to...how to tell you. After all, what was there to even tell you? Shouldn't you have seen this coming-she's been sleeping for four years now, Parvati. What, did you think she would just...just wake _up _one day and be fine? And...and you've been so busy with work recently and...and I didn't want to distract you or worry you...just in case…because she's my daughter, and….I didn't want to lose her….I didn't want to have to deal with the truth."

"So, what? Instead you hid the fact that my sister was dying? She might be _your _daughter, Lakshmi, but you still have me, right, your _other _daughter-you've still got me, don't you? But me? I've got no one left, no sisters waiting for me at home, waiting for me to come back with a smile on my face. But now that Padma's gone, I guess you can finally admit the truth-you never loved me, did you, Lakshmi? I was just an add-on to your perfect bundle of joy, an unwanted addition. You never did love me nearly as much as her that much is obvious."

"That's not true-that's not fair, Parvati-" Lakshmi squawked, taking her hands from Padma's hair to reach out and stroke Parvati's arm, but the younger woman recoiled, scowling at her mother darkly.

"Don't...don't touch me, I don't want you to touch me, not ever again. You hid the truth from me for...for what, how many weeks? _Months, maybe even? _You lied to me, told me that you loved me, that you cared for me-you told me you'd always be there for Padma and I, that you'd never abandon us. And what sort of present did you get me for my fifteenth birthday? Official papers stating that, from now on, _Dad _had full legal custody of me-not you, not Padma and I together, but once again, the two of us had been separated. And now? Hiding my own sister's death?"

"Parvati-" Lakshmi reached out again, hesitant, and with tears in her eyes.

"You aren't my mum, so don't _touch _me!" Parvati yelled harshly, pushing her mother away. Lakshmi rushed out, departing from the room as quickly as she could, leaving behind her two daughters-one dead and the other already planning. Parvati let out a quiet sob, sinking into the chair next to her departed sister's bed. She gripped Padma's hand, sobbing again, louder. "Why did you leave me here with them? Why would you leave me with them? Savita….Savita isn't strong enough to help me, Padma, I need you, please, don't you understand _I need you."_

She sat in the chair until the Healers came, patting her on the shoulder, saying she had to leave, asking if she wanted to talk to anyone _"because we know twins can be very close, and when one passes, it is very hard for the other to feel like they still have a purpose" _but she only brushed them off, saying she'd be fine, she just needed to go home and sleep. She was fine, she told them with tired eyes but they let her go without another word.

Oh, if only they hadn't let her go.

….

_16 minutes before_

The cough syrup was nasty going down, like thick cherries that congealed in her throat, burning her throat and making her gag. It was her third bottle that night, though she had no cough in need of dispelling-Geena wouldn't be happy to find all the syrup gone in the morning, but she might be a little more unhappy to find Parvati in the bathtub, with the water running over, cough syrup sticky on her fingers and cheeks, her eyes glazed over.

But Parvati wasn't entirely concerned about how Lakshmi would feel the next morning; she was mostly concerned with gulping down as much of the bottle as she could. There were tears splashing down her cheeks as she remembered holding Lavender's hand as the young girl died besides her, remembered listening to Lavender's final confessions, the words she barely was able to choke out, the words she was so desperate to have heard before she passed.

_I know, Padma. I know the truth, now. The secret you didn't dare let out. _

She tapped her wand on the edge of the tub, sighing deeply, taking another deep sip, wishing she had the courage to just whisper the spell-_Avada Kedavra-_and fall into that deep, permanent sleep that could come so easily to her, if she just could find the courage inside of her. A Gryffindor who was too afraid-but, then again, if she was truly brave enough for Gryffindor, she wouldn't even be in this situation, too weak and scared to keep bothering living without her sister.

Lakshmi would be mad that they wouldn't be able to have a proper shmashāna-it would be an indoor cremation only, with the entire family gathered quietly around both bodies, just these young girls, one with the calm peace of someone who had been dead for months and years, and the other with the obvious frozen angst of a girl who had swallowed too much cough syrup. _Weak, too weak to even kill yourself properly. _

_I want to do it the muggle way. _

_You want to do it the coward's way, nice and peaceful. Nice and slow. _

_I'm sorry, Padma, I'm sorry. You never wanted this for me, I'm sorry, I didn't want to lose you, and I could never lose you. All those years at Hogwarts, apart, it was tearing me up inside. I knew, I knew even then, that if anything ever happened to you, I'd never be able to keep going. I'm weak, I'm weak, and I can't do this without you, Padma. I'm sorry, I'm sorry….Padma….Padma….Padma, please. Padma, please…please, please…..I know about Lavender, about you and Lavender, I knew you were in love and I was so happy…..but now…I've lost both of you…Padma, please, I'm sorry….Padma, come back…_

_Padma…._

Parvati closed her eyes one last time, Padma's name still on her lips as she slumped over in the tub, the sticky syrup flowing out and into her hair, making it look like she was bleeding orange. Parvati sobbed loudly, one last _Padma, please _escaping from her as she sighed, her eyes fluttering slightly as she slipped _down, down…down….Everything is getting darker, now. Everything is getting colder and darker and… _

There was a knock on the door and a scraping sound as it opened.

Parvati looked up at the sound, grinning brightly as her gaze fell on Padma, standing in the doorway. She was beaming at Parvati, beckoning her up from the tub, reaching out one slender hand for Parvati to grasp. The two sisters greeted each other happily, appraising themselves, brushing at each other's hair and faces. Identical in every way, down to the peaceful glances and the cheeks wet with tears.

"I missed you, Padma," Parvati whispered. "I missed you so much, I thought you had left me." Parvati threw her arms around her older sister, burrowing her head in the girl's shoulder.

"I could never leave you, Parvati, I would never do such a thing. Come with me now, we've got to go off before Mum catches us. She won't be happy about the mess you've made." Parvati looked back at the tub, which was spotless, and then again at Padma with some confusion. Padma, however, only smiled and led Parvati out of the bathroom and down the hallway, towards the front door. "Come on, follow me now, and keep up. After all, this was all only temporary, you know." She opened up the front door, stepping out, and Parvati followed.

It seemed especially bright outside as Parvati took a hesitant step onto the porch. Padma squeezed her hand tightly, laughing at Parvati.

"Are you coming?" she asked, and Parvati nodded, following her sister down the street. She smiled at her older sister, feeling at peace as they walked off. She didn't know where they were going, but Parvati didn't really care anymore.


End file.
